Posted by Mark on August 2, 2006
Nice Jewish Boy Looking for Nice Jewish Girl…
Ok, so I posted this on denver.craigslist.org:
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Nice Jewish Boy Seeks Cute Goth Rocker Chick To Bring Home to Mama – 38
Reply to: asldkjfasd;klfj@#alkdfsjlkajsdf.lskl
Date: 2006-08-02, 6:36AM MDT
I live in a box in wash Park. Mom says I can always come home and live in the basement again, but I’m more independant than that now that I have had a taste of freedom. So long as she continues to do my laundry everything is cool.
My friends would describe me as needy, obnoxous, sedentary, and emotionally unballanced. I have 8 kids, but the good thing is most of them are in juvie. My dog, also known as “The Prince of Darkness” eats small terriers and all things prada. Don’t worry, your knockoff Fendi’s that you got for 50% off (you cheap hussy) are safe- he won’t eat such junk, or anything from last season.
The dog, thankfully is on parole so at least he can bring in some income. The kids that aren’t in San Quentin or county lockup work in the salt mines if one of their mothers is in rehab and can’t handle them. Salt mines don’t pay so good. My favorite colour is hot pink, and most of my clothes need a permit from the Department Of Energy they’re so bright. My socks always match my shirt.
I have an acute case of Multiple Personality Disorder, which is great for you because you’ll never be bored. It’s great for me because every time I need to go to the DMV I just swap in a personality I don’t like. Besides playing video games I read comi… er… “Graphic Novels” and get all my news from Fox and Ann Coulter. I am easy to cook for- I’ll eat anything as long as it’s fried in some manner that completely obliterates the food item’s original identity.
My roomates don’t clean much so I don’t either. Since the roomies spend most of their time at NA meetings, or binging, they really aren’t much of a bother. The last girl I dated called me “socially alkward” but I don’t really understand what that means. She let the restraining order expire, however, so I guess it’s back on. I don’t think she really truly loves jesus though. Physically I am svelt, tall, dark and handsome Jewish boy. well, so long as you’re 4′2″, deaf, dumb, and blind (my kinda chick).
The best relationship is one where I don’t feel like shooting myself, or the other person, too often.
Looking for a lawyer, or other rich professional that can fill out her jeans in a way I find appealing. You must also promise not to touch my shrine to Burton Cummings, the greatest soul-rocker ever. Other than that I’m pretty open minded. Well, you shouldn’t have an ass the size of texas.
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I already have a response:
A version of this is also on Jdate, where I have gotten several responses that say:
“We have to meet! We so much in common! My kids are in jail too!”