Posted by Mark on April 27, 2006

Live With Me…

For some reason I have this song by Massive Attack going through my head over and over again. I’m not quite sure why- It really is a melancholy song that I don’t in any way identify with.

I have always liked Massive Attack, but I think the thing that drew me to this song is the video. The video is horribly spooky:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LgrGHWSy6k&search=massive%20attack

The thing that kills me is the moment when this girl opens the bottle of vodka even before she gets her scarf off- She simply throws the cap away: She isn’t going to need it again. Even more disturbing is the seemingly never-ending pull on the bottle.

See, I’ve known people like that- I’ve dated them. Nothing isolates someone, or creates an environment of isolation more than addiction. Something I have found in these people: When you are isolated by addiction, or simply being in a drunken stupor, you don’t actually have to deal with people.

Myself, I have been consuming alcahol less and less often, to the point now when I have a few at a pub with friends I experience seriously amplified effects. It’s all part of my effort to clear my mind and get myself back on track. When you work a crazy ass schedule like mine it is difficult to actually find a way to integrate into a core group of friends. This week, for example, I actually kept my work schedule. I just stayed up all night instead of trying to force myself to switch back.

The result of not trying to force my schedule is that I actually sat at a 24 hour starbucks and read the entire Economist newsmagazine. Since The Economist is actually published out of the UK I tend to trust it more than I do the Amerikan press. Also, I walked a lot more with the dog, and I spent hours cleaning the garage and doing the huge stack of paperwork on my desk. The end result was a spectacular amount accomplished. The garage was a disaster. Now I can find my tools. There will always be “something to do” but at least now I can test drive an F350 and see if it will actually fit in the garage.

On a deeper level I’ve been trying to kickstart a few things. Between the disaster that happened before my back surgery, and now, I have gained some weight. I’m trying to kick-start my training. The thing is, I need an actual goal. I’ve talked to a friend of mine, Ted, and we’ve agreed that we’re going to do an ultra in 2008. That’s a great goal for me, but I need something shorter term. I’d like to maybe do a couple of tri’s next summer. A sprint might be nice. Maybe a half. I need to get a truck and camper, then I can travel to CA on my days off and race!

But alas, here is a few stanzas of “Live With Me” by Massive Attack (for their name their music is slow, sultry, and morose, which is kind of funny in a way I suppose…) which is told from the noble perspective of what I refer to as an “Average Frustrated Chump” or a guy who tends to find fucked up girls, falls in love with them, then when they do what they do naturally (be fucked up) they try to make things better by creating the perfect environment for them. Little do they know that people (women) like this tend to be much better at DE-stabilizing a situation rather than gravitating towards a stable situation. Trust me- I know all about this type of woman: The more stable you are, the more they work to destabilize the situation. The BEST thing you can do in a situation like that is, quite simply, throw them out.

“How cruel!” you yell. My former friend Gina would say: “You’re mean, and an asshole.” but see here’s the thing- Most people who covet an unstable, or chaotic environment gravitate to guys (or women) with no backbone. People with backbone are difficult to destabilize. So the times when I’ve said “That’s it, I’ve had enough,” their natural reaction isn’t “Oh, I’m not lovable!” or “He doesn’t love me!” (That comes later). Their reaction is “Woah, wait, I’ve obviously pushed too far.” and they will pretty much agree to any condition not to be either a) thrown out, or b) remain in the environment they’re comfortable in. Chaos seekers seek chaos, but at the same time they seek stability in their chaos. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but I’ve been working on Appworx crud all night- Give me a break.

Long story short- Show some backbone, suddenly chaotic people (women) calm the hell down. For some strange reason, these type of people respond really well to “do what I fucking tell you”. Of course that’s the last kind of person yours truly wants to be with, so their tenure is generally short. I am also not capable of really hiding my disdane for this type of person, thus two girlfirends, at the end, have said (in these exact words): “I just think you don’t really like me as a person…”

So for all the frustrated chumps that deal with this type of person over and over again, here’s your song baby:

“Live With Me” Massive Attack

It don’t matter, when you turn
Gonna survive, live and learn.
I’ve been thinking about you baby

By the light of dawn, and in my blues
Day and night, I been missing you

I’ve been thinking about you baby,
Almost makes me crazy,
Come and live with me

Either way, win or lose,
When you’re born into trouble you live the blues

I’ve been thinking about you baby

See it almost makes me crazy child
Nothing’s right if you ain’t here
I’d give all that I have just to, keep you near
I wrote you a letter and tried to make it clear
That you just don’t believe that, I’m sincere.

I’ve been thinking about you baby…

Plans and schemes, hopes and fears
Dreams i’ve denied for all these years

I’ve been thinking about you babe, living with me, well…..
I’ve been thinking about you baby, makes me wanna…child

Nothing’s right, if you ain’t here
I give all that I have just to keep you near
I wrote you a letter darlin’, trying to make it clear
How much you just don’t believe that I’m sincere.
Thinking about you baby, I want you near me