Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

One of the ideas that has always fascinated me is this:

“If there is a G-d, how come bad things happen to people that do not deserve it?”

If Hashem (The Light) is all seeing, then why on earth would he punish the righteous? As well, why would he reward those of us that don’t even remotely deserve it?

As well, there is the classic question of Einstein:

“Does G-d roll dice?”

The world seems random. Why then, would we believe that there is some sort of order that we simply cannot comprehend? Or at least in that it is incomprehensible we design conduits into an omnipotent “being” through mortal objects, ergo Jesus & Muhammad. For Jews the conduit is intrinsic, or in a more material sense, Torah.

In Kabalistic thinking our souls do not go to heaven or hell when we die. Our souls return to a sort of “holding area” where we review our lives and learn from our mistakes. Our lives are laid bare for all other souls (I guess only those that are in the holding area with yours), as well as G-d to see. At that point we are then sent back to the world, and we “try again” to master the 613 mitzvot, or “good deeds” put forth in the Torah.

So why do bad things happen to good people? Here is my thought:

We need to learn from this life. We need to evolve and purify our souls. In order to get into Ganedan (Heaven) in the end we must continuously process our souls through lifetime after lifetime. Only once we have achieved that will the Messiah come and yadda yadda yadda. Things happen for a reason. Things happen to us in order to teach us a lesson. We need to learn from the situations we are presented with, and evolve as individuals. In order to progress we must overcome certain hurtles. A “bad” person needs to experience good. A good person needs to experience bad.

I think one of the things that people often don’t realize is that success is a lousy teacher. I’ve learned more from one mistake than from a ton of success. We remember a mistake for years. We remember a success for a shorter period of time. As an extension we learn much more from a negative experience than a positive one. On the other hand, positive experiences must reinforce what we learn through negativity.

So I guess what this all comes down to is this: Bad things don’t happen to us because we’re bad. Bad things happen to us because they need to happen for us to become stronger, for us to learn what we need to learn. I guess sometimes it is easy to loose sight of that when a 7.9 quake hits, but if one believes in any sort of direction of the world, one can’t imagine that the disasters of life are either the results of vindictive aggression or indifference.

In the past I have looked on such things as “warnings” because somehow I have personally always dodged the bullet.

How could one explain away the loss of a child, for example? Maybe we need to understand what grief is. Maybe we need to learn about the kindness of others, supporting us in our time of grief. Maybe we needed to question our faith. It often comes down to one comment, or one seemingly small lesson that we take forward with us into the rest of our lives.

An example from the bowels of Mark Earhard history:

One day a couple of years ago, my motorcycle detonated between my legs. I shit you not, dear reader, the damn thing exploded. I was doing 85mph on 101 when I pulled the clutch in to check my gearing. At that very moment the engine blew in a shower of magnesium and white smoke. 1/10′th of a second later and I would have locked the rear wheel, and probably high-sided it into the concrete. Instead, I kept the clutch in, and coasted quietly off the freeway onto the Lawrence Expressway exit, eased it onto the shoulder and called a wrecker.

Now here’s the thing- Everyone reading the above, I am sure, would say “Damn, dude, you got lucky…” And I did. Too lucky, if you ask me. But I did get a warning. I did having an overwhelming sense of dodging a bullet.

So what did I learn from that?

I learned a number of things, like check the oil more often, and check the fuse box more often, but those are all ancillary to the big lesson:

When I arrived at my mother’s hotel room (She was visiting at the time and the house I lived in had two roommates and two huge dogs, not great for visiting folks) and I explained what happened she said this:

“Well, I can’t say I’m sorry that the motorcycle is gone, however if this has traumatized you, then you need to buy another motorcycle and get back on.”

It hadn’t traumatized me, however the lesson I learned is this: Even though you may be very much against something you can still understand another person’s need to do it. The example is that my mother understood that owning and riding a motorcycle was something outside of her scope, but that it was inside my scope. She understood that riding a motorcycle was something that had absolutely nothing to do with her, and that her feelings towards it were not part of the equation of that moment. She completely (nearly) separated herself from the moment and let the situation be all about me, instead of her pushing her opinion on the subject.

I know, however, secretly she was primarily overjoyed that I was not hurt, and secondarily she was thrilled that the motorcycle was gone. I had, however, seen exactly how flexible and understanding one can be in the face of one’s worst nightmare, in this case my mom’s seeing her eldest son skipping down the highway on his ass at 85 miles an hour.

I got double lucky that day.

It’s all over but the Cryin’…

Ok, so the larder is pretty much done. Three things remain besides painting, which I am not going to do: #1 is mount the glass, which should be comming from Gump Glass in a week or so. #2 is to replace the bottom door, which was damaged in shipping. The new door was shipped on the 17′th, so probably early next week I’ll see it. #3 is to mount the door handles and the bumpers on the mirror so that the door handles won’t shatter it.

This gives you an idea of where the larder is in the kitchen, with reference to the rest of the downstairs.

And this is the final (with above exceptoins) deal.

As you can see it has all the dishes/glasses in it. I will have to rearrange the shelves somewhat to make the best use of space, and I may after all move the dishes back to the other cupboards, but for now this makes sense to me. After all, when one is cooking one wants to have access to the supplies, which would be over the counters. Then one would take the plates out of the larder and put them on the table. I also put the coffee maker and the food processor down on the bottom shelf because I don’t use them too much.

Happy Turkey Day!

Well, not so happy for the turkey I suppose…

The consumption of fowl asside, it’s 1:30 and so far I have:

Sanded the walls and ceiling in the kitchen

Sprayed texture on all of the drywall I’d done (Just in case this sounds trivial, keep in mind that it involves mixing the drywall compound to the right thickness (cutting it with water so it’s a little runny) then using a neumatic spray gun to cover the walls. This also involved scrounging for extra compound when I’d run out)

Run a 10k (The Wash Park Turkey Trot)

Cleaned up the kitchen so it is spotless.

Mopped the entire downstairs.

Shaved my head

Now I have to cook for this T-day dinner I’m going to.

I will always remember one of the biggest complements I have ever received:

“I still marvel at your ability to get shit done,”
-The Simmian

Here We Go Again

Ok, so I have to admit that I *REALLY* enjoy doing this sort of thing:

So basically I am installing two new cabinets in the kitchen. They’re 48″ tall, 21″ wide, and 15″ deep. They’re going to have the same doors as the rest of my cabinets, so they will have sandblasted green glass and mulions. I’m actually really excited about this project.

I’ve ordered the glass, and since it’s going to be a) close to the floor and b) close to a door I decided to do both doors in safety glass instead of regular glass.

The mirror is another story. It is on the door to the bathroom. These doors are all going to close onto one another, so I have to figure out some way of buffering everything. Doable, of course, but still an additional pain in the ass.

That photo was actually taken several weeks ago, before I blew out my back. This photo shows how that corner looks today:

The cabinets have been stacked one on top of the other, and have been built into the corner. It may look ok now, but this was a serious chore.

I’ve been thinking of two things that I want to write about soon. I figure I’ll document them here so I don’t forget:

Why do bad things happen to good people? Does G-d care? A friend of mine is going in for major surgery to remove a tumor from her neck soon. She’s a great person (even if she is a pain in the ass), so if G-d was just, why would this happen?

Symbolisim: The cross as well as the star of David… What represents spirituality, and does that symbol have meaning in our deeper, more intrinsic sense?

Damnit, I forget. Those two aren’t the really interesting idea I was thinking about…

Oh what a night…

We got hit with a lot of issues thismorning. It was an exciting evening.

I’ve never seen this crew so ready to go home, and that includes me. Last night was non-stop. Damn, I’ve got like three topics all queued up to talk about and I can’t remember a single one- I’m that bushed.

I had one of my only “I prefer California” moments the night before last. In California they put these things called “bots dots” on the roads. These are little plastic reflective bumps that they cement to the road instead of painting yellow lines. The result is that in zero visibility you can see (and stay in) your lane. When you nod off and start to drift, the dots vibrate against the wheels as you leave your lane, and wake you up. Not that that has ever happened to me…

In snow/rain in Colorado, lane markers become invisible, and everyone just kind of guesses where they’re supposed to be. Yea, I guess I like the lane markers in California more than I like them here.

On the other hand, I love the fact that Denver turns white, then two days later all the snow is gone because it’s so warm. I enjoy the seasons here.

Welcome to Winter

Microwaved Macaroni Looks Appealing for About 37 Seconds

Well, damn. There’s so much to talk about…

First off, my email should be fixed. At least for a little while. The standard mark at ear… dawt calm should work. The mailblocks address is (finally) dead. Of course I’m pretty sure this will be a temporary solution in itself, but my email seems to be something that’s giving me a log of grief lately.

First off, I went over to my friend Nachshon’s family home to help him with some computer questions. I’m not quite sure what Nachshon said to them beforehand, but my arrival was attended like that of a visiting dignitary. I had chatted with his 4 year old… Is he 4? You know, I don’t know their ages… Anyway, I had chatted with him about lego on the phone once. Lego happens to have been what set me on the path to becoming an engineer. I had tons of lego, and I think that was probably my favorite toy from the ages of… Probably birth to 25 years old. I could still spend time playing with lego, so long as there were kids around to share the experience. Anyway, there was lots of cool lego to see, and I am going to scan the drawings Nachshon’s kids made for me.

One thing I noticed, however, was this-

The orthodox, as a community, are very interesting. They are very possibly the most open Jews I have ever met. The singular focus of the Lebovich community seems to be outreach- Helping Jews become just a teensy bit more observant. Nachshon does this by giving seminars in Kaballah. Kaballah is the mystical reach of Judaism that explains a lot of things in a way that really appeals to people like me- Those that have been on a spiritual quest for some time, found typical conservatisim lacking, and are looking for another way to look at the universe.

On the other hand, with themselves, they lead a very insular life. Nachshon’s kids are home schooled, which I think is great, but I couldn’t help but wondering what happens to socialization skills that one gets at school. Personally I didn’t gain much from school, although somehow I learned to read and add. I’m pretty sure I knew both before I hit University, however one can never be sure. I think if I hadn’t grown up with other kids calling me fat, and teasing me about being Jewish, I wouldn’t have developed a thick skin in certain respects. Those kinds of comments would have little effect on me now. Although I have experienced bigotry recently, thankfully it was not directed at me.

Over the last couple of days the answer came to me, but at a curious place, and in a curious way.

Rewind several weeks:

After work I am usually zonked. I go home, pet the dog, maybe go for a quick stroll with him, then it’s lights out. I have to be at work in another 12 hours. This particular day, however, I needed to go to Cherry Creek Mall.

Cherry Creek Mall is the fru fru mall in Denver. Sax 5′th Avenue and Neman Marcus, etc. Personally I’m partial to Hugo Boss, where I tend to get the bulk of my nice clothes. I take the first set of stairs to go to the second level, and start to walk the length of the mall to the store I’m looking for. The mall is set up like malls usually are, the second floor is open so you can look down on the floor below and spot other stores you want to visit.

I passed an open atrium, looked down- this was an area of the mall I’d seen several times before, but only in the evening. It was a large space with a 2 foot wall around it. Inside were enormous sculptures in the form of breakfast food- bacon, eggs, bread, etc. In the evening this area was empty to the point where one wondered why on earth they put this carpeted monstrosity in the middle of a chi chi mall. Today, however, at 11:00am, the mall was empty but the Goliath sized breakfast area was PACKED. I stopped and stared- Below me, within the two foot wall were about 150 kids, ages one to five. Their caregivers (a mixture of mostly women, however some men were in attendance) were all standing by, or sitting on, the two foot wall while their kids screamed and yelled while sliding down the sausage. It was a dog park for kids. At the dog park the owners all stand around, a few engage in polite talk, and watch the dogs play. This was a dog park but instead of a six foot chain-link fence there was a two foot area for weary parents to sit and take a break from “MOMMY!MOMMY!MOMMY!Look!Look!Look!”.

So if a child never experiences this kind of environment, will they be equipped to encounter it later on in life?

The answer is, I think, yes: Nachshon’s kids play with other orthodox kids. They all get together in their version of the all American breakfast plate (sans bacon, I bet) and they play in the same way, because kids are kids regardless of wearing a yarmulke or Lacoste, and they play in the same ways.

Mom told me something interesting once about kids:

“When you were a child, I put you in the playpen with your toys. As soon as I turned my back you threw all of your toys out of the playpen. You’d cry, I’d come and put the toys back in. You’d throw them out. I thought to myself: ‘What kind of hellion have I brought forth into this world?’ Now, however, the developmental psychologists are saying that this is a two year olds way of gaining an understanding of how the world works. By throwing things they learn about gravity, mass, velocity, and other things that help them succeed in the world around them.”

Children interact with each other in the same way- They push each other’s limits, learn what makes someone else cry, and that being pushed off the giant spoon hurts. These are all limit testing tools that they take with them into later life.

None the less I had a great time talking to the kids, looking at lego, and chatting with the adults too.

Woah, this was a really long blog entry about absolutely nothing.

Well, at least my back is feeling better.

Saw the movie Jarhead: They nearly successfully captured what the novel spent so much time portraying: Military life, between moments of heart-stopping terror, is mind numbingly boring. It is also often futile. It is an interesting exploration of how men trained to be very violent have to live together with nothing to do for 150 days. What’s worse, is you’re in the desert with nothing to see but sand to the horizon, waiting for orders that may, or may not come, to charge into the waiting fist of a veteran army ruled by a madman.

The novel is great. The movie is pretty good, although many of the events portrayed in the movie were embellished greatly, vis a vis the novel.

My Dad once told me a quick story:

“I once got a job making boxes. I lasted three days.”

That was before going back to school for a Ph.D in Psych, I bet.

Woof. Now I’m just rambling.

Give Up Some Love For…

We’re all very tired. We had training thisevening at 7:30, which meant today went something like this:

9:20am start turnover to San Jose NOC after a 12 hour shift, after 6 hours sleep. I was bushed.

10:00 Finally finish turnover and hit the road.

10:20am Stumble into the house and realize that the good folks that stayed behind after the seminar last night had left TAC inside the house without leaving the door to the back open. I couldn’t find where he’d peed, but I know he did it. Gurf.

10:30am Stumble into bed.

7:00pm Open my eyes and realize I’m late.

7:30pm Arrive at work.

so basically I got home, slept, got up, and flew into the office. This schedule has good parts, and very bad parts.

We’re all a little tired today. We’re giving each other rounds of applause for no reason- One thing’s for sure, we know how to enjoy ourselves at work.

9 hours to go in this 14+ hour shift.

Mark.

Dreeeeeeeam Weaver, Let me take you into the niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

The blog and stale gallery pics are now up and working on dreamhost.com. My email is still in a state of flux, but for the most part it is working. Half of my domains are transfered to dreamworks- I am waiting on the two .org transfers, as pair.com managed to block their transfer.

Mailblocks.com, my mail provider for the last year or so, has decided to shut down. They were bought ages ago by AOL for their patents, and AOL is finally pulling the plug.

Mailblocks is (semi) unique because it offers challenge-repsonse spam protection. It’s a pain in the a$$ sometimes, however I have not had a spam in my inbox in years.

I’ve switched over to spamarrest.com, but those guys haven’t even got filtering working, so all of my mail-list emails come into my main mailbox where I positively do NOT want. I am on a mail list for my World of Warcraft guild, the Chaos Consortium, (I am IcepickX, a level 60 dwarf priest (Rabbi) on Gilneas for those that are interested) which has an un-nerving amount of traffic for the 7 or 8 active guild members.

So my time at Spamarrest.com will be limited until I can find a challenge-response email system that supports filtering. Hell, to be honest I’d settle for an email system with a whitelist.

A whitelist would make a huge difference. All I want is to be able to explicitly tell my email system who is allowed to email me. All non-authorized email goes into a bucket, and I sift throught he bucket before flushing. it’s amazing that no one seems to do this.

I’ve been using webmail for years. I finally got fed up with using multiple clients on different systems I’m on- Webmail makes my life very easy. The problem is that the implementations of webmail that I could crank up and use myself suck, and to be quite frank I don’t want to spend my time running smtp. I want to spend my time writing email, not running an email system.

If anyone knows of a really good opensource webmail system, that doesn’t take ten hours a week to run, let me know.

The new site is up, and mostly working.