Posted by Mark on August 16, 2005

Like All Stories in my Life, This One Starts With A Woman…

Yes in deed, I went on a date a while ago with this really quite charming woman. Well, ok, she was hot. Anyway, at one point in time during dinner I said:

“I’m Jewish.”
“You’re WHAT?!” she asked in reply.
“I’m Jewish. Us Jewish guys make the best husbands.”

Then she asked me a question: “What is the path to salvation for Jewish People?”

I replied “To do good, and make the world a better place”. That felt like a funny answer to me, because it is what I’d always been told, but I knew there must be more to it. I was also biting my tongue because what I WANTED to say and didn’t have the stones (and should have said) was: “Hot sex with beautiful women. Now let me illustrate to you how you can help me save my soul…”

In my current exploration of my religious roots (Particularly after a long discussion with my friend and mentor Nachshon) I have found the answer:

For Jews the concept of “heaven” is different than for Christians or for Islam. For us we are in a constant state of ongoing “purification”- We are attempting to become more “elevated” individuals by purifying our souls. To be more precise, we are trying to “mend the universe” with our small actions, but that is a whole different (yet completely integral) topic. This comes by adhering to the commandments, doing good deeds, and adhering to a strict code of conduct for living. Contrary to popular belief there are 613 commandments for us, not ten.

We believe in “Paradise” but it is not the same as it is for Christian or Muslim folks- We come back to earth over and over again until we have mastered all 613 commandments. The foundation of Judaism is to “make Earth heaven”, not to get into heaven. Jews do not go to heaven when we die, but spend some time in Olam HaEmet, “The Land of Truth” where our life is laid bare for all to see. We then review their life and learn from our mistakes. Thus we share the concept you have of “judgment” but in a different way. It is more of a learning experience. We learn from our recent life, but then we then return to the world to continue working on purifying our souls and making earth INTO heaven.

Nachshon told a story, and I think it is from the Mishnah (a holy book of stories that illustrate the commandments from the Torah) that kind of illustrates this idea of making earth paradise, and not focusing on getting INTO paradise:

A man living in a shtetle (a Jewish community) in Russia went to his Rabbi and said:

“Rabbi, I want to make Alia, I want to go to the holy land. I feel a calling to go to Israel, to go to paradise. I would like for you to give me your blessing for my trip.”

The Rabbi looked at the man, a good Jew, a farmer, family man, and slowly shook his head.

“No,” he said, “I will not give you my blessing. Your path is not to go to paradise. Your path is to make Israel right here. For that you will receive my holiest blessing.”

And the man was then enlightened, and understood.

For those of you that are not necessarily Jewish (all two of you) that read this blog: I think this idea is universal, and cross religious. While many religions focus on the afterlife, I personally think we can motivate ourselves to make this world better without the expectation of a payout at the end.

I also like to think of this idea as the answer to the question: “Why?”

Here’s the most interesting thing I found when I was researching this- Women are very very close to purification from the first time their souls come to the world. They only need a few iterations to become pure. Men, on the other hand, have a very difficult time focusing on the mitzvot (commandments) and thus women graciously return time after time in order to help men figure their shit out.

613 is a prime number, which makes it REALLY freakin’ cool from a math perspective, and Judaism is fixated with math, so that makes Judaism pretty damn cool in my book.

Posted by Mark on August 9, 2005

The Light Comes On

I have been saying the following about having a car accident for years:

(Mr. Nosuch helped me flush this out one sodden evening in Bermuda)

There is a percentage chance that at any moment you might have a car accident while driving. It is a “gamblers fallacy” (Alex’s words) to think that if you haven’t had an accident in a long time you are “due”. I don’t think a lifetime of driving is not enough to statistically show how often a particular individual is likely to have an accident, but I’m sure Geico’s actuaries spend hours huddled over their statistical models trying to figure that gem out. I’ll ask my friend Bill about it- He’s a full actuary.

Ok, so anyway…

The percentage chance you will have an accident is assessed on a moment-by-moment basis. Your odds do not INCREASE over time because you haven’t had an accident. Your odds are what they are based on weather, your driving style, how much sleep you’ve had, how much of a hurry you’re in… Weather or not that bimbo in the high end BMW next to you, gesticulating madly with her left hand as she howls madly into her microscopic sized cell phone in the other, and with a third limb swats at one of the kids in the back is going to veer suddenly into you…

There are a bazillion criteria. HOWEVER here’s the rub- The length of time you have been “accident free” does not factor into the equation.

The length of time you have been driving certainly does, however this is an inverse exponential curve- The amount of time is materially important when you first learn to drive, and the curve heads up dramatically, however it flattens out, and now that I’m 37 odds are it will not change the equation drastically over the rest of my life.

Your success or failure is based on what is happening now, not what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future.

Here’s my point- You can stack the odds. For years I drove like a complete lunatic in Bermuda. I’d rocket around the island on my motorcycle, leaning into the turns, feeling the rubber roll out from under me then catching it at the last second… I wrecked that bike 3 times. I thought about the odds of wrecking in a serious way for a long time (while driving more sanely) then I realized that one CAN stack the odds in one’s favor. The more safely a person drives, the more aware they are, the less likely they are to have an accident.

Duh.

This SOUNDS obvious, however I am not entirely sure it is. People don’t think in terms of odds. RIGHT NOW there is a chance that X will happen. How can I avoid a negative outcome? Stack the deck, weight the dice. Anything can happen- The odds can only approach zero, they cannot reach it, but one can stack the odds.

So now I’m a safety freak. I’ve wrecked once on my bicycle in the last several years, and I figure the bulk of the reason for that is because I CONSCIOUSLY stack the odds. I have hypersensitive hearing when I’m cycling. I never wear a walkman (It baffles me when people do), I travel on low-traffic roads, and I am always courteous to drivers. I usually ride my cyclocross bike since I can easily ride on the gravel shoulder, letting cars pass. I spend a fair bit of time thinking about how I can stack the odds in favor of having a positive outcome on a moment by moment basis.

Here’s where today’s epiphany comes in:

The same can be applied to social settings. Any regular reader of this blog knows that I am on a mission to improve my social interactions. Now keep in mind that this is not a global thing- I have three (or more) “modes”:

The first is “Gentleman Mode”. Charming, well dressed, well spoken, reserved, and engaging. I model this mode after what I would term an “English Gentleman” (well, I’m Scottish, but you get the point) This mode is not really contrived, I do it naturally and it’s who I am. The problem is that it is that I feel “unremarkable” when I behave in this way. “Oh, another nice guy. NEXT!”

The second is “loud mouth mode”. I just need to get rid of this.

The third is sort of a bridge between the two I call “game mode”. I think this is kind of where the sweet spot lies between being a wisecracking jackass and being mind-numbingly boring.

“Game mode” is new. It may at first be a little contrived, however I think it really holds the keys to where I want to go with my personality, socially. It is primarily about opening, and then holding/working a crowd for laughs, and… yea, (ahem) attention.

Having a positive or negative interaction with a crowd is similar to driving a car- The odds are calculated on a moment by moment basis, only the issue is that the odds of having a blow-out-accident are MUCH higher than when one is surrounded by steel and restrained by a seatbelt. There is no “air bag” for social interactions, and one can say something (My diatribe on the new Dukes of Hazard movie while camping in Aspen can be an excellent example) in a moment that can completely crush the experience both for you, and for everyone else.

So I need to stack the odds socially. Mr. Nosuch likened it to our old D&D geek days: I want to work on “Charisma” and “improve my social saving throws”. If you don’t know what a “saving throw” is, count yourself lucky.