Happy start of summer day

I heard someone say recently that Memorial day should have it’s name changed to “start of summer” day because no one actually remembers anything anymore. This strikes me as the wrong solution, but he did have a point.

Ok, I’ve skipped some Omer, however I think I will probably come back to them at a later date. Let’s pick up at tonights:

Tiferet ShebeYesod Compassion in Bonding

Compassion is one of the most important traits that I think a person can have. It allows us to step outside of ourselves and see things from a different perspective. It allows us to see things as others see them. More importantly it allows us to feel what others feel- We can genuinely feel what a friend that is frustrated, sad, or (hopefully more often) happy feels if we truly evoke our Tiferet. In fact, Tiferet is one of the most important Sephirot I look for in a potential girlfriend. If a person I am dating can only seem to feel their own feelings, and cannot identify with another person’s situation… Maybe “identify” is a bad word there- Let’s try others: Sympathize? Empathize? Yes, “Empathy” is an excellent word here. Sympathy seems to come from a position of strength, at arms length. Identify includes Empathy, however it implies you have been through what the other person is going through. Empathy, however, is exactly what I think we are talking about here- understanding what another person is going through, and in fact feeling part of their feelings.

Yesod, or bonding, cannot truly be posssible on a deep level without some sort of empathy. To truly bond with someone you have to be able to understand them on a deeper level. I fantasize that marriage is something like this- Tiferet on a finer scale, leading to a seemingly endless degree of Yesod. Of course, I’m sure there is a fair bit of “up to your neck in alligators” for every cupic centemeter of swamp draining. Maybe when a couple is married it is difficult to always acknowledge the Yesod between them, and it’s true depth (or shallowness). On the other hand Tiferet is either there, or it quite simply isn’t.

An example from my life:

One of my favorite expressions when a friend is dealing with something difficult or frustrating is “When oh when will the character building ever end?!” (Stolen from a former Drill Instructor) One day I said that to The Simmian when she was overcomming a hurtle she had been working on for a long time. It was pouring rain, and we were both soaked. In this moment I realized how frustrated she was, but I also could tell that she had a “window of opportunity” to make serious progress. My Tiferet, empathy, allowed me to understand what she needed in the way of support, and understanding. By empathizing with her I could help her to overcome a barrier. It also helped me to kick her ass in just the right way to push her into getting done what she needed to accomplish.

Some time, and a barrier, later she answered me: “When will the character building ever end? Around you, probably never.” There was about five minutes of silence and she continued: “That was a complement, by the way.” I was very touched. She understood that I wasn’t sure how to take that comment- After all, overcomming barriers is never a pretty sight- Over comming things involves tearing down ideas and walls that we have created for us. So when she said “Probably never” I admit that initially I thought that I may have pushed too hard. But she saw this- Her Tiferet allowed her to give me what I needed.

The Yesod, the bond between us had gone just a touch deeper with the help of our Tiferet, or ability to be compassionate and empathize with each other.

Best Friends…

Blitz came to visit while Kath went to Utah with her friends.

Here they excavate some ancient Mayan ruins in the sandbox:

The miners union states they get a break every 5 minutes for about an hour, give or take.

It was REALLY hot yesterday, so the monsters enjoy a bowl of ice cubes and cool off.

What baffles me is what ends up on Blitz’s tounge:

Or the balls that he’d put in his mouth… Mmmm… salad…

And this one, let’s just call it “Anticipated Arrival”

Exhausted…

I was up till 1:00am waiting to transition over my oncall, since I took 12 hours yesterday for Kevin. Noon to Midnight. Got one page. It was spooky quiet. Even though Saturdays are usually cake, it still makes me wonder if the forwarding was working properly. I tested it, and it was.

On the weekends I stay as far away from computers as possible, unless it’s to play world of warcraft, which I almost never play anymore. The guild I belong to (Chaos Consortium) is all now way ahead of me. My character is a L42 priest named Icepickx, and he’s a 300 eng, 298 tailor. I grind bags to give to guildmates and to sell, as well as mooncloth to sell.

Ok, so let’s knock out a couple of things here:

This article is amazing: “What’s a Hassid,’ Anyway?”

In this article Matt Lipeles briefly looks at the origins of the word “Hassid” and tries to identify the root of what a Hassid actually is without going into the crazy detail that our religion is famous for.

Let’s briefly check out Friday, Saturday, and tonight’s Omer…

Friday’s Omer was: Yesod ShebeNetzach, Bonding in Endurance

For me this one is easy. The strongest friendships I have ever endured were those that involved long, enduring tasks.

Of course, and example from my life-

My former training partner (and now coach) PowerGirl, and I trained for years together, in some seriously adverse conditions. There was this one time in the Sierras… well, I’ll save you the two hour story (for a 10 hour day) but the wind was so strong that I could only pull for a few moments at a time, and Lori is 5′2- Her pulling for me is appreciated, but… sub-optimal. I to pull- Pulling is the act of breaking the wind (not breaking wind) for your fellow cyclists to follow behind. They get a break because you take the full force of breaking the air up in front, and they simply ride in your slipstream. You can save up to 30% of your energy this way. Watch any pro bike race on OLN- Everyone is riding in someone’s slipstream until they hit a massive hill, and then everything falls apart. Ok, so PowerGirl and I are in what must have been a 50mph headwind, and then we turn left and it is now a 50mph crosswind. She is riding a Softride which in a crosswind basically acts as an enormous wing. It can really suck. I owned one for years. In contrast to crosswinds, it slices through a normal headwind like a hot knife through butter, and I have never been as fast as when I was riding my old Rocketwing. Now here’s the problem- This is no ordinary headwind.

PowerGirl and I have done some crazy long stuff together. I mean CRAZY long, when neither of us was in the shape to do it. We’d often just think something nutty up and go do it, like this particular ride. When one of us has felt bad the other encouraged, and pulled for the other all the way back to the car, no matter how far it was. There are lots of days when I sucked PowerGirl’s air all the way home, feeling like I was going to vomit, and vice versa. Ok, her probably less so than me.

Long story short, we made it back (duh). But here is where the Omer kicks in- The Yesod we built during that, and many other events together, both involving physical, mental, and emotional Netzach (again, Endurance) created a tremendous foundation for our friendship. I believe that training partners are closer than friends, because training partners see you at your real worst. When one friend calls another on the phone to kvetch about a boy/girlfriend that’s one thing, but when the person running with you cracks, that’s another. Most friends see each other in their highs and lows, but how many people have you seen crack? It is moments like this that build Yesod, bonding, between two people that are stronger than anything else I have known, with the possible exception of my bond to my parents.

There is a great line from The Matrix Reloaded: “You cannot truly know someone until you fight them.” I agree with this. PowerGirl and I have had our differences, but the Yesod (here meaning foundation- Yesod means both “bonding” and “foundation) between us is so strong because of what we have endured together that I believe that seeing someone when they are positively empty is knowing someone more deeply than when you argue/fight with them. Of course PowerGirl and I have never thrown down like Seraph and Neo, however my money is on her.

Next up: Malchus ShebeNetzach, Sovereignty in Endurance

Malchus is the final of the Sefirot- Sovereignty. My interpretation of this is that this Sefira connects us to G-d… It is the base and foundation of Tree of Life, and is our way of expressing the other nine Sephirot.

Here is a beautiful but hard to read illustration of the tree of life. The large brown circles contain the Sephirot, and the others contain items that are associated with the Sephirot. We can see that the brown dot on the bottom is Malchus (Malchut pronounced in Sephardic tradition) or Kingdom/Sovereignty (click for a semi-readable version):

A more simplified version:

While Netzach of Netzach was endurance of endurance, or pure untempered endurance, Malchus in Netzach is how we communicate our endurance to the outside world, and how we communicate our endurance to what I refer to as “Hashem” or “The Light”.

An example from my recent life:

On reading that I was pulling out of Ironman (In my defense I am still coughing and my throat is really irritated) a good friend of mine (whom is also very very honest and forthright) said “I see you bitched out of Ironman.” Now personally I know this was the right decision, and I am pretty sure that he does too, but I am simply using this as an illustration of how I am actually showing my Netzach to the outside world.

In contrast, let’s examine the definition of “Hassid” from the article I started off much earlier in this post:

“In the English translation, in the parenthesis next to the word chassid it says, “one who does more than the letter of the law requires.” That’s it. I was amazed. My friend and his buddy could argue all day long about hats, coats and beards. You and I might be more philosophic, but still not get to the heart of the matter. But our sages didn’t waste words. A chassid is simply someone who does more than he has to, someone who goes the extra yard.”

    &nbsp    &nbsp-Matt Lipeles from Chassid.org

To use this to illustrate the Malchut of Netzach, a very quick story: There were 70 “people’s” in the world when G-d was offering the Torah. He offered it to each “people”, and when they saw how many rules, and what they’d have to do they all rejected it, with the exception of the Hebrews. Being a Hassid is not easy. A long black trenchcoat and a wide black hat in Arizona in the summer? They do it. Forgo a carreer in order to study Torah? They do it. Myth: All orthadox Jews are rich. In fact, many Hassidic Jews are dirt poor, as they spend their lives not concentrating on busines, but concentrating on Torah. This is how they show their Netzach to Ha Shem- They burry themselves in “going the extra mile”. They are willing to spend their life doing good deeds and living according to the 613 laws that the Torah dictates.

Personally I am not sure I could give up riding my bike on Saturday, and of course when I’m on call… A man’s gotta get paid. So my Malchus in Netzach is pretty weak with respect to my Judaesm…

Tonight’s (I need to get my ass in gear, so this will be short) Omer:

Chesed ShebeHod, Love and Joy in humility, humanity, and knowing one’s limits

The Chesed, or Joy, of knowing one’s limits, knowing one’s place. I recently had an argument with a friend. He was angry because I had let a couple of things we were working on together fall by the wayside. Of course I am not the kind of person to let this go, so I confronted him: “Look, you and I have worked well together in the past. I respect you and I think you’re a great person. Please, please, tell me what is wrong so we can fix it and move forward. We need to enjoy working together again.” So with that we started to discuss the fact that I had let a couple of things drop, and that this really frustrated him. I created an environment where it was ok that he tells me what is wrong, and what he is angry or frustrated about. He was very frank with me, and we had a great conversation. At the end I said “Dude, thank you so much for sharing this with me, since I can’t improve if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

So here’s the thing- A friend had just vented about a dozen things that he was upset about (I must point out he did this in an exceptionally non-acusatory or confrontational way, he really is a great guy) AND YET at the end of that I felt elated. Why? Because at the end of that discussion I had a much better idea of who I was, and my place in the world. If I know were my faults are I can improve and get better. If I do not, I languish in my mediocraty because others simply accept it. I truly felt a tremendous Chesed for my vastly expanded Hod.

Tomorrow is Monday. I can’t wait to continue trying to change my Hod.

Ok, I need to get my pasty white ass into the back yard. Objectives for today:

1. Take the dogs to the dog park (will do thisevening when it cools off a bit)

2. Separate the dirt from the sod out back, and put the sod out to be picked up in the trash.

3. Move the sprinkler control system out of the basement and to just inside the basement door.

4. Re-install the basement door which has been off since I rennovated the house.

5. Clean up my filthy car.

6. Clean up the kitchen before anyone sees it.

7. Start to organize the Garage.

8. Clean up the back yard in general.

9. Move some soil (really good stuff) from the front into the back.

10. Do a little shopping.

Ok, no more delaying the inevitable.

Happy Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirthday tooooooooo Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

My birthday was on the 14′th. I admit it: I was stunned at how many people remembered. I remember the Simmian crying after trying to throw me a birthday party about a thousand years ago and all my friends at the time (with one exception, I think “Sarah Jessica Parker” (hereafter known simply as Sarah) showed up).

So Brooke took me out to Thai Basil last night and we had a great conversation, discussed the Omer, discussed everything for that matter. Brooke and I are both on spiritual quests right now.

You all came for the Omer, not to listen to me wax poetic about how wonderful the people around me are, so here we go:

Hod ShebeNetzach

This Omer seems to be the inverse of yesterdays.

Hod as we have mentioned is that aspect of “humility” that helps you to understand your limitations, and where you fit into the universe.

Netzach as we have been discussing is endurance. I think there are several ways to interpret this Omer:

The first way I would interpret it is “Knowing when you are out of your depth” and having the humility to say “I cannot succeed here,” How many of us can say we truly know our limitations?

T.S. Elliot once said:

“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.”

I would like to contrast what Elliot said with a quote from W. C. Fields:

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.”

So it strikes me that the trick is to land somewhere between these two, with an eye to being in a place where you can be proud of what you accomplished and not focus on what you didn’t.

So if you contrast W.C. Fields and Elliot… Fields believes we should know our limits, and move on when we hit a wall. Elliot thinks we should ignore our limits and charge forward, after all how do you know your real limits without pushing them?

To be quite honest, I don’t really know what the right answer is, but I know who’s side I’m on in a fight between the two. I also know that I have completely ignored my limits many times in my athletic career, and discovered that they were much farther out than I thought they were. I have also judged my limits correctly and fallen apart. How can you know how to taste victory without defeat?

Ok, with all that said I believe this Omer reflects something completely different. I think it carrys with it an intensely positive message: Hod of Netzach, Humility, knowing one’s limits within endurance. I think it was Bruce Lee that once said “I shal bend like a reed in the wind”. Endurance, moving towards victory by being adaptable, understanding when you’re wrong, or when you are expending too much energy. Shifting course. Being pliable, understanding of your environment. Swinging with the punches as it were.

Adaptar
Innovar
Vincir

Adapt, Innovate, Overcome. Know when you are wrong. Know how to change with your surroundings, then create a new path forward and move on to victory. Hod in this case seems to me to mean knowing when to admit you need help, or that you need to change tactics. After re-evaluating Netzach continues to push us foward to destiny.

An example from my life:

Many people would agree that I have been pretty arrogant lately. It is partly just for show, and I do indeed like to put on a show. It is also partly just where I have been lately. It’s what has worked for me for that moment in time (Amazingly women seem to glom onto this even though one would think they would run like hell).

Moving on…

Blondie turned to me recently (after I said something Ithought was particularly whitty) and said: “You know that really isn’t working for you.”

I replied: “Of course it is. Look at all the women I’ve dated recenlty.”

She looked me dead in the eye and said “No, Mark, it’s not. It’s about quality, not quantity. You’re dating high quality women but you’re not having high quality relationships. The way you are acting is keeping them at arms length, and no woman wants that.”

Blondie is right (up to a point <-- inside joke). So I went up into the mountains, stood on a big rock and cast what wasn't working for me into the wind and let it go. I want to be successful, and Netzach will take me there, but in order to do that I need to have the Hod to understand when I am doing something wrong, and guiding myself off of the path.

I also have to understand when I’m irritating the hell out of the people trying to set me up.

Luke, I am your father you rat bastard…

A friend of mine is headded for the midnight showing of Star Wars. I’ll see if my friend Blondie wants to go, BUT sometime when these guys won’t be there:

She made me go see Harry Potter, so I think she owes me one. As I recall she even made me go and sit in line for tickets for opening night. Now unfortunately I didn’t bring my camera, however here’s how I did it- I brought my REI camp chair, arguably one of the most comfortable chairs in existance, WITH the footrest, a few bottles of juice, and a couple of books. Everyone in line was like “Why the hell didn’t I think of that!??!” They all had brought their kids, no one had brought a way to ammuse themselves. My brain needs stimulation constantly, so if I don’t have a book or two lying around I’m in trouble.

But alas… I’m not one of these charming people:

And thank goodness, as I’m sure I’ve had sex more recently than any of them, with possibly one exception.

Netzach ShebeNetzach

Netzach Netzach Netzach… Endurance. Victory. Percerverence to victory.

I once created a personal code for operating. In Latin it is:

Adaptar
Innovar
Vincir

Adapt, Innovate, Overcome. Some of you might recognize where this is butchered from, but it speaks this way: You can’t ever, ever quit. You can’t ever ever give up. If your goals change, then you need to adapt, innovate, and proceed towards the objective (ergo yesterday’s “redirection” of my athletic energy). Remember- Netzach is not about acting blind- It is about percerverence.

From my life:

A friend of mine I’ll call, “DI” (Former Special Forces), once was chatting with a guy he met about joining the army, but more specifically how to get into Special Forces. The person he was talking to was enlisting with a new enlistment option that gives you a shot at joining SF early, whereas previously you had to be in for 4 years before you could apply to take the entrance exam, which has about a 30% success rate. Apparently you have to be an outstanding soldier just to get a chance to apply.

The guy is quizzing DI about the exam, and finally DI says “Look, you want to pass that exam you need to be able to run. You need to be in excellent physical condition. Physical fitness, however, is secondary.

“The guys who make it through that exam, which is the easy part of becomming SF, are mentally the toughest people you will ever meet. You need to have mental endurance. The guys who make it are usually older- low to mid 30’s. They’ve got experience. And they’re not body builders. They’re average guys that are very physically fit and will, under no circumstances, ever ever ever quit.”

“You can’t ever, ever, ever quit. The big test of your ability to be in Special Forces is your ability to continue when everyone else is either too discouraged or too emotionally fatigued to keep on going. As well, keep in mind that there are a lot of assholes screaming at you, hoping and trying our best to make you fail, to convince you you can and will fail. SF is for people that cannot quit or fail.”

“Oh, and don’t ever break a leg, that’s an automatic DQ. And don’t go in for Medic, that course is insane.”

Netzach of Netzach- The Endurance of Endurance.

What would it take to

Never

Ever

Ever

Quit?

What would it take to be a person that believed that they, quite simply, cannot fail?

I think it may have been Elinore Rosivelt that said this, but I am not sure. If you know who said it (Lazarus?) make a comment:

“What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”

Here is something I found fascinating: While googling for the source of that quote I found the following responses to this question on a forum:

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Eat more chocolate

Become a parent

Fly

Help People

Make love to you…

Gevurah ShebeNetzach

Discipline in Endurance to Victory/Success

I’m tight on time today so this will likely be short compared to previous discussions…

My take on this Omer is this: Endurance without temperance can lead to a sub-optimal condition. Injury, or the possibility of our own endurance simply imploding on itself from over-extension.

I am an endurance athlete. I train fairly hard for long periods of time in hopes of getting to the point where I can be successful at the various races I enter. At the moment my next race is Ironman Idaho. Here is the unfortunate part: I was sick for about two weeks, and at this point with the race so close I have lost too much time. It would be possible for me to go and do the swim/bike, but the run would destroy me.

So I am envoking Gevurah in my Netzach and calling it quits on Ironman training for this year. I have another big event scheduled, Death Ride, so I am going to shift my training to this. Death Ride is actually more important to me than Ironman- I enjoy that event more than any other, and I can go to the Sierras and go camping for a few days beforehand.

So Gevurah in Netzach- I am not going to push myself to achieve a goal that is not important to me: Gevurah. I know I COULD do it if I wanted to: Netzach. I have proven that. What I want to do is have an Ironman race where I am training with a friend, and where I can go and just have a great day because my fitness is at it’s peak.

BAH I lost this huge edit. Let me try again-

I was having an interesting conversation with my friend Lazarus (I’m starting to use nicknames so that the people I am chatting about will know themselves, however even people close to them would not be able to figure it out. There is only one other person that would guess who Lazarus is (besides him or herself) and that is “The Simmian”. I would be shocked if anyone besides The Simmian could figure out who The Simmian is). So anyway, Lazarus and I are chatting about sexual chemistry.

Basically his point was that you can be deeply in love with someone and yet have no sexual chemistry. I never really agreed with this, but seeing their situation I now understand it is possible.

My friend Brooks, on the other hand, had exactly the opposite to say- You can have fantastic sexual chemistry, yet no emotional chemistry, but can feel very close to the other person.

So I have come to the conclusion (I am pretty sure this is NOT my idea originally, but something Brooks talked about a while ago) that there are two types of chemistry between two people- Emotional and Sexual.

I have been trying to figure out if these are simply two sides of the same coin, and I have come to the conclusion that they are not. HOWEVER! They work so closely together that I think of them as a braid. The bonds that these energies create connect us like braided rope.

I am talking about relationships- In friendships both of these aspects will wax and waine- A person who felt no chemistry will be overwhelmed, and a person that was feeling intense chemistry at one point will feel those feelings receide and reoccur.

So the next obvious question is can either one of these “strands” independantly keep two people together? The answer is yes, but with a few caviats. I think that emotinoal energy is a much stronger strand than sexual energy, and here’s why- Emotions are drugs. Every time we feel an emotion there are chemical changes in our brains. These changes involve protiens and compounds that affect our behavior and how we feel. We are all addicted in one way or another to emotions. The good thing is that as adults we have the ability to express restraint when expressing them. The emotional strand is tremendously powerful.

On the other hand the sexual strand is not as powerful, but can still bond two people together for quite a while, even without the emotional bond.

So think of what I am trying to say this way, and this may be a huge stretch but I’m going to try to make this analogy anyway- When two people have an emotional bond but no sexual bond, either end of the “sexual strand” flaps in the wind. This makes it basically free to bond with other sexual strands that are also unattached. Wow is this simplistic. Anyway, the idea is that if two people have one bond but not the other, the other will hunt for something to bond with. The idea being that a couple that has both strands bound is stronger than a couple with just one. A couple with just the sexual strand bound is especially vulnerable, as the sexual bond won’t take much stress.

I’m pretty sure what I just said there was pretty useless, but it’s amazing the crap that comes out of my mind at the end of the day.

RIP Eruotrash

At long last I have sold my 2003 VW Eruovan MV Weekender. It was a very interesting vehicle, but really didn’t do what I needed. I need an F-350 and a Lance camper to do the sorts of things I want to do.

I basically found someone that had recently sold a Eurovan exactly like mine, but with fewer miles and a year older. I offered them $1000 less than they sold theirs for, figuring they could make about $2k on it. He bought it that day. The curious thing about this vehicle is that I got about the same amount of money for it that I initially paid for it new. Thanks, VW, for canceling a high-demand vehicle so I only lost a few thousand on this thing over the course of my ownership.

So now I’m left with FOO, my SUV which I never liked but somehow has continued to kick. I will be getting rid of it soon as well, and replacing it with an F-350.

What happens in Vegas…

I made it back from hell. Vegas is simply awful. Bright lights, very fat out-of-shape people and a singular focus on extracting money from visitors.

Rudy’s wedding, on the other hand-

was great fun!

I saw old friends from Bermuda, Justine and Daniel whom now have a lovely house in an area about 45 minutes by train from London. The Brits are big on trains, which shows their forward thinking manner of a mature culture, vrs. the younger country of the United States and it’s obsession with freeways.

I forgot to get a photo of Justine and Daniel. Sorry, but perhaps I can pilfer one from the other photos at Rudy’s party. I’m sure there’s a photo of myself with them somewhere!

Tonight’s Omer…

Chesed ShebeNetzach

Chesed as we have discussed before is the outpouring of kindness and love.

Netzach I have found to be defined differently in a couple of places, however for the most part I think it is simply a translation issue. Not to mention there are about a dozen ways to interpret every single Hebrew word (An exaggeration I know but I wanted to quote something I think Nachshon told us which was that there are nearly a hundred ways to interpret the first words of the book of Genesis. I think he said that this was in the Midrash, and my research shows me that it is part of the “Genesis Rabbah” but I cannot find anything conclusive).

Ok, onward with Netzach- Netzach commonly means “Endurance”, but it can also be interpreted as “Victory”. So I generally assume it means both of these things and there simply isn’t a word for Netzach in English. “Endurance to ultimate Victory” perhaps? Typically, Hod (knowing oneself- limits and geniuses, as well as acting with humanity and humility) and Netzach work together, and were created as complements to one another.

Chesed in Netzach- The joy and giving in endurance and victory. The joy that we feel in doing something that takes struggle, and ultimately ends in victory.

An example from my life (because I have to get back to work):

Think of a teacher, or instructor, that lives for the education of his or her students. The most important thing in their world is the passing on of knowledge and understanding, and their passion shows through in their desire to impart their expertise to their students. My Mom is such a teacher. The woman can get 800 reviews from students in a year, but one student writes a bad review and she’s crushed. My mother is Chesed in it’s purest form, but DRIVEN by Netzach.

My mother is the consummate educator- She lives to teach. She teaches at three universities in a variety of topics from intro psychology to neuropsychology. Her life has been dedicated to education, and even when she became distracted by Union politics in the mid 80’s she eventually returned to her Kabbalistic “genius”: helping others to understand. The struggle she goes through to reach even those students that do not wish to learn can be tremendous. She often has stories about boys that talk at the back of her class every day, or students that do not respect or just simply don’t want to learn. Even with these struggles, when she pours forth her love of educating and enlightenment of others.

She HAS to do this, and she HAS to reach her students. I still recall the frantic phone call I received: “Mottle, half the class failed the test…” and I KNEW then and there that my mother’s Netzach (tempered of course by Hod, her understanding of her limits and her expertise/abilities) would drive her to any lengths to pour her limitless Chesed on her class, and she was, of course, ultimately victorious. I think she was nominated or won the educator of the year at Dalhousie that year, but I cannot recall- She’s been nominated so many times, and won at least once, perhaps two or three times.

On a side note…

I was thinking of our learning of the Sephirot by using the Omer counting as a tool: the Sephira all work together to temper one another into a position of balance. At the moment I consider the place of balance of which I speak as a position of weightlessness- a “Lagrangian point” if you will in our spirituality. Just a thought.

What Happens in Vegas…

I am off to Southern Nevada for a wedding thisevening. I’m going to be celebrating the Nachass of my old friend Rudy Milkovic whom I met in Bermuda. When I lived in Bermuda from 92 to 96 (I served 46 months of my sentence and got out two months early for… yea, bad behavior) Rudy, John Oberlin, and myself caused a LOT of trouble. Those two guys know more about my bad behavior than I feel comfortable with. The only saving grace is that I know plenty of dirt on them too!

John won’t be able to make it tomorrow, but some other folks from Bermuda will. I’ll try to get some photos.

Tomorrow during the day I’m going to take my lazy, out of shape ass to Mojave and do some hiking.

Tonights Omer…

I found writing about yesterday nights Omer so personally gratifying that I decided I’d do the same today. Especially because I got this one piece of gear working at work, and I’m feeling pretty good about myself.

Ok, so tonights Omer is:

Yesod ShebeChesed.

Yesod is our ability to connect with other people. It is our intrinsic ability to somehow build a bridge between ourselves and both other people and the animals around us. My dog and I find a way to communicate, to connect. My friend Kath and I find a way to communicate. These connections are built with Yesod.

Chesed, as we discussed yesterday is compassion.

Once again- The counting of the Omer is the combination and premutations of the various Sefirot, or aspects of our humanity- Hod: Humility, Chesed: Compasion, and now Yesod: Connection are a few of the Sefirot I have discussed so far in my blog.

To think of the Yesod of Chesed seems fairly straightforward to me- Compassion is a way to bring about Yesod, or a connection. Think of the guy on the boulevard begging for change. If you simply roll down your window a crack and stick a dollar bill out the window, but yet do not make eye contact, do not communicate with this individual, you yave Chesed, compassion (maybe) but there is no Yesod, no connection. To truly be compassionate, to truly feel for another beings plight or situation there HAS to be some sort of Yesod, some sort of bridge built between you and the other person.

Another example from my life:

I used to live in San Francisco. I drove a red 1989 BMW 635csi, and lived in Fisherman’s Wharf. I had it good. Every afternoon when I drove home I would stop at the corner of Bay and Embarcadero and wait for the light to change. The same guy was there with a cardboard sign every day:

Navy Vet.
Can’t work.
Please help.

So one day I held out my hand and gave him a quarter. We both stared straight ahead.

The next day I said “How ya doin?” He said “Good”, stared straight ahead, and took my quarter with a “thank you”.

The day after I said “Look, I see you every damn day. What’s your name?”
He looked down at me, met my eyes, and stared for a long time. “My name is Sam.”

The next day I drove up, Sam walked up to my car and said “What’s your name?” “Mark,
” I replied.

So from then on it was like greeting an old friend- I would drive up in my shiny car with bling bling 20″ disk rims and yell “Hey Sam! How are ya?” and we’d exchange pleasentries. I’d give him a buck or so, he’d say thanks, we’d smile and the light would change. Some days the light would be green, and we’d wave to one another.

So that would be well and good, Yesod within Chesed, but then something happend:

Sam dissappeared.

Six months of the same boulevard, the same light, the same sign, rain or shine, and suddenly Sam is gone. I admit it, I longed to see my afternoon friend again. I looked for him every single day. Nothing. The connection felt broken, and I missed Sam a lot.

Then one day, out of the blue, Sam reappeared. He didn’t recognize me though. “Sam! Where the hell have you been! I’ve missed you!” I yelled from my black leather hot rod interrior.

“Well, I haven’t been feeling great, so I have been going home early.”

I don’t know why that statement confused the hell out of me, but it did. It was like this was his job, which in retrospect that is exactly what it was. I went to work on routers and swtiches, Sam went to stand on the boulevard. We both had jobs. We both made ends meet.

“It’s good to see you again Sam.”

But the Yesod was broken, and I felt crestfallen. Sam never came to that corner again.

Bailed

Today I was supposed to be on a road trip from Denver to Bryce Canyon National Park, Southern Nevada, then Phoenix. In Bryce I was going to take my my (no longer so new) bike and ride some kick ass dirt roads/trails that my friend Rob told me about.

Only it didn’t happen. I’m still sick. So I decided instead that I’d bail on the trip, take a flight to Nevada for my friend Rudy’s wedding, and call it a day. I’ll do that trip again when I can take all the time I need, and have a good time, rather than make myself more sick.

I’m still a bit dissapointed though.

Between Pesach and Shevuot we Jews Count the Omer which is the different combinations and permutations of the different Sefirot. Each day we contemplate a different combination of these aspects of our humanity.

Tonight’s Sefirah: Hod ShebeTiferes — Humility in Compassion

“Hod” is our ability to act with humility, or more precisely as my current guide Nachshon V. says, “our ability to truly know ourselves”. The implication I am left with is that Hod is our ability to understand where we are- our weaknesses and our strengths.

“Tiferes” is compassion. Pretty much self explanatory, if you don’t know what compassion is you need more help than I’m qualified to give you.

So now let’s discuss the humility (or self understanding) of compassion. I think of it this way- When we express compassion we do so not from a position of superiority, or a position of authority, but as a person that genuinely takes on the understanding of anothers plight. Compassion with self understanding is knowing that we are human, and subject to the possibility of being in a simmilar position ourselves- Many people live their lives on the edge of poverty, even though they own bmw’s and nice homes. The distance between being at the height of our game and begging for change on the boulevard is not nearly as far as we think it is. Most families cannot survive 3 months where one breadwinner does not bring home a paycheck. We must understand that we ourselves are given our position in life by what I refer to as Ha Shem, “The light” and that we must be thankful for wherever we are. When we are compassionate it must not be from the perspective of us having more (in any respect, be it financial, emotional, mental) and another having less.

This night’s Omer brings up this recent incident: I have a friend that recently broke up with her boyfriend, and she is having a great deal of difficulty dealing with being alone. She asked me:

“Are you lonely?”
“Nope.”
“How are you not lonely? You aren’t seeing anyone. How do you not feel lonelyness?”
“Because I know the truth.”
“What truth?”
“The truth that eventually I will be with the person I am supposed to be with”

But while I was feeling compassion for this person, and her situation, I was also trying to be self-knowing, I was trying to have “Hod”- I know this to be true- Eventually I will be where I long to be, it is simply a matter of time. It is also simply a matter of time for herself as well. The trick is to deliver it without being pretentious. I wasn’t so successful here.

On that note:

Yo mama so ugly…

when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”

I hate mailblocks.com… But I can’t stop using them.

In order to fight spam I stumbled upon this site, www.mailblocks.com. Now unfortunately they may be no longer signing up users, as they were bought by AOL, and the future of the service is uncertain. HOWEVER what they do is simply great.

They are a challenge-response email system, so when a stranger sends me an email, they automatically put it into my “pending” folder, and send the sender a polite message asking them to authenticate themselves. If there is no authentication, then I never see the email. This is great for people like me that get email from a small number of addresses. I generally know the people sending me mail. It is a little more work for the sender, but no one has complained so far.

So they were down all Sunday, and that really infurriated me, but like a crack addict that has had his pipe taken away I shivered in the corner, sweating and barking like a dog until last night when I could finally get my mail again.

So let me say this about mailblocks- The only missing feature is a little item showing you REPLIED or FORWARDED an email. Something that every email system since the dawn of time has had. Other than this one thing (which bugs me a lot- you have to go to the sent-mail folder to see if you replied already to an email) the site is priceless for one thing: It stops spam cold. I mean like dead cold. I have gotten maybe 3 spams in my inbox since I started using it, probably a year or so ago. It really is truly amazing. If anyone else was doing challenge-response as well I’d move to them, but it works so well I can’t understand why the entire internet has not switched to challenge response. I’m sure as it gains acceptability that someone will find a way to dork it, but so far it is without comparison for stopping spam.

Still have a wicked cold. I was out like a light all last week.